why am i gay

Why am i gay?
i being asking my self, why do i wanted to be gay. i don't really like having sex with men, i just longing to have relationship with men. at first i wanted to have sex, but latter i fell that is not want i need. after few years the lord show me why do i want to be gay, i because the lack of physical contact with my dad. phycisal contact is not only father huge the son is also father talking to the son. because the father is the want who affirm and comfort the child, because i lack of that and i wanted that so i go for sex. yes some time sex it give me temporary satify, but at the end it will give me emptyness. the reason why i wanted to have sex it, because once i have sex it give me these sexual illustration. that mean i throught i have what i wanted at the end the thing that i have it gain nothing, i was praying and asking God why? at the end God did not answer me the way i wanted, i thank God that he did not answer the way i wanted. it because he is help me not to blame my father for not giving me physical contact i have to learn to acceapt it and let God deal with it. accept the problem is diffrent then blame, because blaming is to cover the probelm accpeat it is to sorve the problem.
these year God is bring back to the past where i am hurt the most, i trying to run away from the hurt but the hurt is still there. the pain of phycisal abuse, condamend word that come from my dad. i try to blame my dad for all the pain, at the end God speak to the pastor father make mistake because father don't learn the parenting skill from their parent. after few year God is helping me to realise that i blame my dad so that i can cover that problem, God speak to me that i need to have confling with my dad  and when my dad is asking forgiveness i need to forgive him so that the probelm can be sorve.

pls God i asking you to help me to sorve the problem..........