it have been awhile that i haven't update my blog, tell you the true i have be a tuft time. i have to deal with my pain my shame my struggle of homosexual, i was so a shame why do i have these struggle why does i desire to have one night stand.

i tried of these feeling of shame, i which some want would cover my shame. i am looking for a guy but i can't find that anywant can cover my shame not even my father. i can't tell him everything i can't talk to him becuase i am confuse and don't know what to talk. even throught i want that flim affirmation that came from my dad but that won't work. i really am tried. God i know you are doing something something that i can't see i just have to put my trust in you.

God i need you i can't do these anymore, i can't express how i feel deep down inside my heart, i am confuse and full ashame i which that there will be a short cut but there won't be. i wish that i can have one night sex with a guy so that i can feel good about myself but something seem not right. God i tried of these feeling and i don't know how to express my feeling toward my dad. i can't tell him how i feel he always blame me he just don't understand and i don't really want him to know errr..... why isn't so hard to tell my dad how i fell


i confuse and so shamefullll....... God help me