it have been awhile that i haven't update my blog, tell you the true i have be a tuft time. i have to deal with my pain my shame my struggle of homosexual, i was so a shame why do i have these struggle why does i desire to have one night stand.

i tried of these feeling of shame, i which some want would cover my shame. i am looking for a guy but i can't find that anywant can cover my shame not even my father. i can't tell him everything i can't talk to him becuase i am confuse and don't know what to talk. even throught i want that flim affirmation that came from my dad but that won't work. i really am tried. God i know you are doing something something that i can't see i just have to put my trust in you.

God i need you i can't do these anymore, i can't express how i feel deep down inside my heart, i am confuse and full ashame i which that there will be a short cut but there won't be. i wish that i can have one night sex with a guy so that i can feel good about myself but something seem not right. God i tried of these feeling and i don't know how to express my feeling toward my dad. i can't tell him how i feel he always blame me he just don't understand and i don't really want him to know errr..... why isn't so hard to tell my dad how i fell


i confuse and so shamefullll....... God help me

just put my trust in the lord

there is a time that we lost our hope and faith

there is a time that we lost our love once

there is a time we wish that some want will be there

to heard our cry and pain

and there you stood for me

you hear all my pain and my cry

lord i need you to pick me when i fall

lord i put my trust in you

there is a time where i lost my way

there is a time i feel broken lord

lord i need you healing and guide to be with me

lord i put my trust in you

there is a time i broken you heart

there is a time where i feel useless lord

there you grace empower me

and pick me up when i fall

just put my trust in the lord

that he will provide

that what i needed in life

just put my trust in grace

and his unfailing love

that he will pick me up when i fall

there is a time that we lost our hope and faith

there is a time that we lost our love once

there is a time we wish that some want will be there

to heard our cry and pain

and there you stood for me

you hear all my pain and my cry

lord i need you to pick me when i fall

lord i put my trust in you

there is a time where i lost my way

there is a time i feel broken lord

lord i need you healing and guide to be with me

there is a time i broken you heart

there is a time where i feel useless lord

there you grace empower me

to pick me up when i fall

just put my trust in the lord

that he will provide

that what i needed in life

just put my trust in grace

and his unfailing love

that he will pick me up when i fall

something that has happen when we were child, like bully, abuse and sexual act. their wanted somebody to talk to, somebody to listen to them. their wish that parent or any another grow up to be there. but nobody is there for them, there are angry and frustrate. sometime they are disappointed they wish that world will be better place but is not is full of nightmare and deep down there is silent pain.

why does these have to happen to me? why does i have to gone through these pain and struggle, these silent question kept on ring on our mine.

is there a God somewhere out there, if there is why these think have to happens. if he know what going on with our life, why does he do something? yes he is doing something, the question is not is he doing something the question is are you aloud him to work in you life.

God work in the ways that we can't see, we can just put our faith, hope and a lot of prayer and crying, these world may not be better place, but God can make better world in you life.

something that has happen that push child to grow up, like bully, abuse and sexual act. their wanted somebody to talk to, somebody to listen to them. their wish that parent or any another grow up to be there. but nobody is there for them, there are angry and frustrate. sometime they are disappointed they wish that world will be better place but is not is full of nightmare and deep down there is silent pain.

why does these have to happen to me? why does i have to gone through these pain and struggle, these silent question kept on ring on our mine.

is there a God somewhere out there, if there is why these think have to happens. if he know what going on with our life, why does he do something? yes he is doing something, the question is not is he doing something the question is are you aloud him to work in you life.

God work in the ways that we can't see, we can just put our faith, hope and a lot of prayer and crying, these world may not be better place, but God can make better world in you life.